Abortion – unremitting sorrow

We recently had the spectacle of women twittering, purportedly, that they were oh-so-very-proud of their abortions.  I say purportedly, because I have frequently sensed, and occasionally had confirmed by personal testimonies, that these defiant statements of the wonderful miracle of abortion sound like someone desperately trying to convince themselves that what they say is so.  I’m sure some women are genuinely glad to have had abortion(s).  But I think for the vast majority, perhaps, those with a glimmer of Grace remaining, it is a devastating experience. Jill Stanek gives us some evidence of this latter phenomenon, the testimony of a woman who had three abortions, and is in misery well over a decade later:

As I’ve read your tweets and your blog, I silently repeat, “Thank you God for this woman’s courage.”

Only one person knows my entire story and that is my current husband. I confessed to him a few years ago when I felt the Holy Spirit rising up inside me to let someone know. I had to tell someone I could trust. With abortion, it’s hard to know who you can trust. The shame is unbearable.

I’m a recovering alcoholic, a former narcissist, and now a follower of Jesus Christ. I was born again 10 years ago. I’ve committed sins since that time but the sins I committed in the ’90′s will forever be etched in my heart and cause heartache until I come face to face with God.

The first time I became pregnant was by a guy who I had dated for several months. We had broken up and I found out I was pregnant. He told me I had to have an abortion because he was in college and his dad had these plans for his life and they did not include a child before marriage. We talked about this for several days and I eventually made the appointment and killed my baby.

A year later I became pregnant again and knowing I couldn’t go through what I had done the year prior, I had my daughter who is now a beautiful high school student. Her father and I had dated off and on for a couple of years and it was during one of the “on” times that I became pregnant. He told me he was scared but would be there for me. He wasn’t. Thankfully I had a supportive family and friends who were with me throughout my entire pregnancy and to this day are there for me.

A few years later, I married. During my 4-year marriage, I became pregnant twice. But both times, I was afraid my marriage wouldn’t work and he would leave me and though I could “manage” caring for one child as a single parent, I couldn’t manage having another child. At the time, it wasn’t “convenient.” So, in 4 years of marriage, I had 2 abortions. The first time, my husband took me to the clinic. The second time, I went by myself.

I cry as I write this. I’m not sure why I’m sending you this message to be honest. I just want to encourage you to continue the fight of speaking out against the ones who have no voice. I suffer from depression, have had suicidal thoughts, and the guilt I feel from time to time is overwhelming. I often tell my husband it is so easy for me to forgive others because I know that God has forgiven me, but how do I forgive myself? I’ve read books on forgiving myself and they make sense. But to actually put them into practice takes work. Hard work.

If I could talk to one girl or woman who is considering abortion, I would tell them NO. Stop. The hurt of having an abortion didn’t stop when I got up from the table after the procedure. The pain continues in my heart. Nearly 20 years later, the pain of what I did to my unborn babies is, at times, overwhelming. When I look at my daughter now, I wonder what my other children would look like. Would they have her smile? Would they have her sense of humor?…………The pain doesn’t stop………

For another, rather more profane example, the porn star accomplice of Charlie Sheen on his recent binge/gotterdammerung death ride, who has had four abortions, attempted suicide a couple of days ago:

[Charlie] Sheen’s porn star pal Kacey Jordan, with whom he allegedly partied during the January binge that culminated in a trip to the hospital, began tweeting messages that indicated a very disturbed mental state prior to her admission at Chicago’s Northwestern Memorial Hospital today, according to RadarOnline.com.

The XXX star, who had an abortion last month after allegedly becoming pregnant with Sheen’s child, wrote, “i took a bunch of pills…drank a hotel size bottle of jack… stumbled to the bathroom to weigh myself………86 lbs,” following which hotel staff allegedly raided her room

I don’t know much about either woman, except that abortion and addiction go hand in hand. Many women who procure abortions have drug/alcohol problems.  It’s a death spiral of despair.  I know of only one way out – the redeeming Grace of “Jesus Christ, and Him Crucified.” [1 Cor 2:2]  These women need many, many prayers.  They also need to be evangelized on the Truth Christ has revealed through His Church.