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Understanding the “gay” lifestyle from a man who has lived it October 8, 2015

Posted by Tantumblogo in Basics, General Catholic, Glory, Grace, horror, Interior Life, Papa, sadness, scandals, secularism, self-serving, sexual depravity, sickness, Society, Virtue.

I stumbled across Joseph Sciambra’s site via Ann Barnhardt Hilary White and I’ve been very impressed by his presentations on the “gay lifestyle”.  Before I go any further, if Mr. Sciambra should come to my blog, understand I take a very combative stand against what I perceive as militant proselytization for this lifestyle and its use by progressives as a mascot to advance their anti-Christian agenda.  So if you peruse some of my writings and find them uncharitable, understand they are directed not against individuals but against the broader, more amorphous movement that is presently persecuting Christians and wreaking havoc in our culture.

I should also warn readers that the material at his site and that I copy below is of course of an adult nature.  Those with sensitive consciences or easily scandalized may want to move on to the next post.

I really like what Mr. Sciambra has to say.  I would say it correlates very well with my own observations and a fair amount of study of this subject.  He makes plain several salient facts I have tried to convey on my blog repeatedly:

  1. becoming “gay,” or active in a sexually perverse (in the classic meaning of the term) lifestyle, is a choice, more or less conscious
  2. there are no “gay” people, as in really born that way and just so biologically determinant they had no other choice
  3. those drawn to acts of sodomy with other men universally have some grave trauma early in life that causes them to seek out affirmation from other men.  Robert Reilly describes this almost as a desire to consume their essence, to somehow through the act of sodomy to become the other man, to absorb his perceived “maleness” through the act.  This explains why there are frequently wide age differences in “gay” couples, with a father-son type dynamic at play
  4. the “gay lifestyle” is a fantasy lifestyle disconnected from reality

There is much more below. I am posting two of his most recent videos and an excerpt from a written post.  Again, the material is of its nature somewhat explicit and certainly not for anyone under 21. The first video contains some images of disturbing kinks and perverse behavior, do be careful, but I think they are necessary to illustrate his points:

Even more revealing of the psychological aspects of sodomy, with the false, never-quite-fulfilling “affirmation” taken from another man via the act of sodomy.  Not to be too gross, but I have to wonder if this is more the perspective of the “receiver” rather than the, uh…..thrower, IYKWIM.  This one does, towards the end, also start to delve into some advanced subjects.  But I think the perspective shared is very valuable to understand how to potentially approach individuals lost in this lifestyle (though, I do have a few qualms about some of what is presented):

I think this sums up his analysis of the error at the root of this lifestyle:

Although I spent over a decade in the homosexual enclaves of San Francisco and Los Angeles, I never met a “gay” man…the people I did meet were mostly battered and wounded souls that somehow wound up in either the Castro District or West Hollywood, because they thought happiness awaited them in the arms of another man. Of these men, backgrounds were diverse, but there always remained a common denominator: an almost unquenchable need to be loved, but not just any love – it had to come from a man. Most of us thought we were just born that way; as we could never recall a time when we didn’t have such feelings. We once felt different, odd, but “coming out” and “accepting” ourselves as “gay” had changed all of that. But what had it changed?

Accepting that I was “gay” meant that I no longer denied my feelings – for other men. It also meant that I would no longer harbor any shame about those emotions, or, even about openly expressing them. Lastly, it meant that in order to be happy, in order to be fulfilled as a human being, I needed to be “gay;” that I was not complete without that; denying my “gayness” would be like denying myself. Only, it never quite worked that way. For, the more I got lost in “gay” the more I just got lost. Because, here I was: I was “gay,” I was with other men, getting and giving love to other men, but, something wasn’t right. It wasn’t working. I wasn’t fulfilled and I wasn’t complete. A piece was still missing. I thought to myself: “I must be doing something wrong.” [Is this realization a major factor in the shockingly high rates of drug addiction and suicide among the practitioners of this lifestyle.]

After that, like everyone who invests time, energy, and suffering into a failing project – you tend not to pull back and reexamine, but you get desperate and try forcing things into place. I did this by getting more “gay;” I tried it all: more one-hour stands; a few “exclusive” partnerships; and then, a final slide into “gay” overdose – pulling in as much manliness and masculinity as I could handle, hoping beyond hope that some of it would stick. It didn’t. Then, at that point, there was nothing left to do – I had truly tried it all. “Gay” was turning out to be a bust; but, I am “gay;” does that mean there is something wrong with me as well? I looked back, and saw the faces of those who had died: perhaps none of us were meant to be here; I came to believe we had all been destined for death.

But I didn’t die. God found me. I was a heap of flesh: soiled and covered in filth. He washed me; when everyone passed by, He took me to His home. There, I was bathed in His Blood. Everything was stripped from my skin – it was a strange sort of acid immersion that hurt but soothed. The first thing to rinse away into the gutter was “gay.” For, it was at the center of all my confusion and pain. “Gay” was not who I ever was: “gay” was an explanation, a false hope, a stinking balm like rancid butter – it covered my wounds, but they never healed. And, all of us, we were that way – we were sick and we were doing that best we could, but we weren’t gay. We were lost boys still looking for our fathers, for a place on the team, for a man to simply say that: “Yes, we mattered.” Are those exclusively “gay” desires? No…they are the simple joys that every child needs in order to grow. Yet, we didn’t get them when it most mattered. Does that make us gay? No…but it makes us in need of healing; true healing. The kind that can only come from Our Lord Jesus Christ: the God made Man. When he embraces us, we are no longer “gay,” but His child – and, in that we are recreated in His image.

I have reported in the past the strong parallels I see between this perverse lifestyle and addiction.  As Mr. Sciambra notes, an addiction to porn and self-abuse paved the way for his acting out with men.  Many people may have a hereditary/genetic component to their addiction – there is certainly far more evidence for that than there is for any “gay gene.”  But in the end, the decision to use or not remains just that, a decision.  It’s a terribly hard one at times, one that causes many to die before they make the right decision not to use, but it is always a choice.  This lifestyle, in spite of all the rhetoric, in spite of all the victories gained, in spite of having the media in their pocket as their cheerleaders, will always remain a choice, as is the case with each and every sin.

I think that even more the case with regard to women.  Some will even admit that their descent into that lifestyle was the result of a conscious decision, because they had been burned by men in the past (giving themselves away too easily) or wound up in a place where they felt no man was interested in them or would take them seriously.  Obesity is rife among women in this lifestyle, which contributes to low self-esteem and a feeling of being rejected by men.  What is frightening is that the hook up culture among young people today is causing many very young women (who already have had dozens/scores of partners) to look to this lifestyle after feeling used and abused by men.  The whole thing is a swirling cauldron of evil that only seems to get worse as time goes on.

One more thing – I have tremendous respect for men like Joseph Sciambra and Laurence England who have left this lifestyle.  I cannot imagine the confusion and anguish this pontificate and especially the Synod are causing them.



1. David - October 8, 2015


Daniel Mattson is another man who has journeyed out of homosexuality. I have heard him give talks on same sex attraction. He is very brave to give talks like this. If you use your search engine, you can find out more about Daniel Mattson.

2. Baseballmom - October 8, 2015

I know Joseph well, and he and all the men and women who have come out of this deathstyle and have spoken Truth to power need our daily prayers. They are confronting satan head on, and the enemy does not give up easily. Please offer a Hail Mary for all of these courageous souls…. Much like the women of Silent No More, these folks have “been there, done that” and they know and expose the lies of the evil one. God’s great blessing and His Grace be upon them all.

3. Barbara Hvilivitzky - October 8, 2015

Imagine the evil cruelty of affirming these poor souls ‘where they are’! Families, doctors, priests, society – all hugs and no help.

Baseballmom - October 9, 2015

Wow. That nails it. “All hugs and no help.”

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