Gutted: wife of protestant friend walks out after 17 years November 17, 2015Posted by Tantumblogo in Basics, disaster, disconcerting, error, family, General Catholic, manhood, paganism, rank stupidity, sadness, scandals, secularism, self-serving, sexual depravity, sickness, Society.
I just spent a most agonizing hour listening to a friend and co-worker bewail the seeming destruction of his marriage. His wife has filed for divorce, and given the absolute lack of legal recourse abandoned spouses have under the present “no fault” environment, there is very little he can do to stop it. He claims he has been blindsided by a sudden and radical change in his wife’s disposition since this year began, which culminated in her filing divorce in July. She had secretly been making arrangements to abandon her husband for months prior to that – getting a PO box, setting up a separate bank account, retaining a lawyer, etc., etc. From the way my friend tells it, there problems have been trivial and routine – disagreements over share of housecleaning, little hurts from misunderstandings, etc. The way he tells it, she’s just tired of being married, and she’s done. The impact this will have on her children, which is almost universally negative save in rare instances of severe abuse and neglect, seems not to bother her a whit. She’s been sold a divorce fantasy, and she has turned into an eager buyer.
These are not your average sexular pagans. They are – or at least, he is – a very committed and active evangelical protestant. Yes, that is an incredibly disordered environment from a Catholic perspective but there is a basis for a rightly ordered and successful marriage within that milieu. His soon-to-be ex wife feels that the peace and contentment she now feels indicates this divorce must be God’s will. My friend is flabbergasted at this, since his wife had previously always maintained an acceptance of literal-traditional interpretations of Scripture on things like the adulterous nature of post-divorce “marriage.” They come from the kind of extremely conservative protestant environment that purports to teach such things.
Ah, but there’s a rub. Oh yes, they teach such things in theory. But when push comes to shove and the woman wants to leave, my friend has noticed that his small church community suddenly isn’t applying the standards in practice they purport to hold in theory. Instead, there is not acceptance and even affirmation of his wife’s “empowering choice.” This is a frequent lament of many in these kinds of conservative protestant environments……not that our practical situation in the Church is any better. In many respects, it’s worse.
Divorce fantasy is the many movies, books, TV shows, talk programs, websites, etc. (an entire industry, really), that sell divorce to women as something noble, necessary, and vital for their future growth and happiness in life. They show women like Julia Roberts in Eat, Pray, Love abandoning her family and leading an exciting life bedding exotic men in exotic locales. But for large numbers of divorced, male or female, the reality is far different: they are middle aged, well past their prime, and generally wind up much lonelier, must less happy, and much more materially poor than before. Like all things satanically inspired, the fantasy is swank and sexy, the reality is frequently miserable.
We are still sold an image of the divorced woman as having been abandoned by her husband. But women now instigate divorce 80% of the time in the United States. No fault divorce laws make it impossible for many distressed and abandoned fathers to stop the process. And of course the children are the ones who pay the ultimate price for this process of female marriage abandonment. Of course there are men who step out, it happens all the time, but the statistics do not lie – over the past 35 years, women have filed the overwhelming number of divorce claims in this country. Many of those have been filed for frivolous or entirely self-serving reasons.
I will say this of my friend, however: in spite his relatively orthodox Christian beliefs, being a protestant, he had the usual areas of departure from traditional Christian practice. That includes using contraception, focusing inordinately on money, and having a quite blase’ attitude regarding fornication. There were surely bases for dysfunction in the marriage. Beliefs like these, shared with his spouse, provided a fertile seed bed for future divorce. But I still have an enormous problem with the modern divorce industry and millions of women’s free-wheeling and giddy use of it.
Arrgh, I’ve got a huge headache now. This guy is really a stand up guy. He’s a very good engineer. I’ve known him since 2001 at two different companies. He’s a native Texan, an avid outdoorsman and hunter. Even though he’s an Aggie, I hate to see this happen to him. He is very broken up. He does not want the marriage to end. He says he now realizes his past beliefs and abuse of Christian moral standards played a role in his marriage ending. He says he plans on remaining faithful to his wife and fighting for their marriage even as he has had to distance himself from her due to her quick descent into manic immorality. That’s easy to say now while emotions are riding high, the divorce not yet final, and the years of loneliness have not drug on, but I will be praying that he does so. If more abandoned spouses did not jump on the remarriage bandwagon it would go a very long way towards undermining the cultural exaltation of divorce.
Please pray for my friend P.A. Thank you.