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So I Had to Break My Mom’s Heart Today…….. March 1, 2018

Posted by Tantumblogo in Admin, Bible, Domestic Church, family, General Catholic, Holy suffering, Interior Life, martyrdom, mortification, sadness, Tradition.
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…….and hurt my dad, as well.  I probably also permanently terminated any chance of having a relationship with my sister, which relation has already been horribly strained due largely to my traditional Catholic Faith (and other matters) over the past 7-8 years.

My family, and my wife’s family, are polar opposites. My wife’s family is Catholic, mine is protestant.  My wife has 60 nieces and nephews, I have one niece.  That niece is to be married in April to a fallen away Catholic from Mexico.  They are being married outside the Church. I did not ask, but I was told he was fallen away.  Well from then on we simply could not attend the wedding, and I dreaded having to break the news, because family is probably the most important thing in this world to my mom especially, and this would break her heart.  But I spoke with every priest at the parish and they were unanimous – no, I cannot attend a religious wedding/simulation of the Sacrament of Matrimony involving a Catholic.

There is a dim hope he was not actually baptized, but it’s exceedingly unlikely.

So we cannot attend.  And my family does not understand.  I barely understand, but I know I just can’t do it. And because family means so much to my mom, and because, aside from my wife and I’s  7 kids, the family is so small, everything tends to get magnified to the Nth degree. But the issue from a doctrinal standpoint is totally clear – I cannot support a Catholic in committing an act of grave sin against the Faith.  I certainly could not confuse and scandalize my children by involving them, and their presence is practically the whole point to my mom.

So I really hurt my parent’s feelings, which I absolutely did not want to do, and they cannot comprehend why.  That’s the reason I’m sharing this here, because they’re right, 99.5% of Catholics in the US today would go ahead and go to the outdoor “wedding” ceremony.  Who am I to say I am so right?  How can I hold myself up as such a prideful elitist looking down on other Catholics and all other Christians? Heck Francis himself would probably castigate me as a vicious sinner for failing to go, calling me to make human hearts happy as the highest end.  And yet the Truth remains………

Do not think that I came to send peace upon earth: I came not to send peace, but the sword. For I came to set a man at strife against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law.

And a man’s enemies shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me, is not worthy of me; and he that loveth son or daughter more than me, is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not up his cross, and followeth me, is not worthy of me. He that findeth his life, shall lose it: and he that shall lose his life for me, shall find it.

So do not let it be said that my faith in Jesus Christ, flawed and as imperfect as it is, has not cost me anything.  It has cost me dear, and cost others as well, people whom I love who do not share this faith of mine and who I have to hurt because of my faith. But this is one of the moments that, to me, defines whether one really believes or not.  Am I willing to stand with Christ, to choose Christ over even mother or father or sister or niece, all of whom are so very dear to me?  I pray I am.  I can tell you, there were several times during the unfortunate scene today when I wanted to cave in, and one time very nearly did. But in the end, I could not.

I am very sorry for that, in fact it’s been a brutal experience, but I can do no other than what I feel in conscience I must.  I write this here, because I felt that if anyone would understand, you would.

May God have mercy on us all for our human failings.  And may He in His infinite benevolence bring about a miracle of conversion for all my family so that we may all be united fully in Faith and charity.

 

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Comments

1. Rosalinda Lozano - March 1, 2018

God bless you abundantly! We have traveled the same journey and it can be very lonely and painful. Your suffering is not in vain. My prayers are with you.

2. Teri Rudnick - March 1, 2018

Been there, done that. They still hate me. Decades.

Tantumblogo - March 1, 2018

I think my relationship with my parents will withstand this. There is a lot of love there. But my sister and I have been on the outs for nearly 10 years, and I’m afraid this will be it. I appreciate everyone’s kind words.

3. Larry Betson - March 1, 2018

I’ve had very similar issues with my family as well because of my Catholic values, even though they did not understand. I’ve been called names and yelled at. I have been called a Jesus freak, and that I take my Catholic Faith way too seriously, mind you some of these comments came from my Catholic parents, my Catholic brother and sisters in my own family. No I am not perfect, not one bit, but for a time I was so completely lost, and I love Jesus and His Church, which I believe is the Catholic Church. I want to as best that can follow all that the Church teaches, even if I don’t quite understand it all. Most of all because I have for so long offended our good Lord. I want to be Faithful. We are not called to be of this world. Just like the Pharisees wanted Jesus to come down from that cross. Just like many lay folk want their Priests to come down off that altar and party with them. It can be very isolating and lonely, sometimes I fee like I don’t fit in anywhere with my beliefs, sadly even in my own Catholic family, other so called “catholic churches”. I attend a TLM community, Praise be to God, and it’s the only place where I feel a sense of peace. Hang in there brother your not alone. Usually, not always, over time family starts to come around, but it’s not easy I know first hand.

Margaret Costello - March 2, 2018

I’m in the same boat as you, Larry. Surrounded by supposed Catholic family who go along with the insanity of the world and consider me “unloving” for not going along with my sister’s sodomite “marriage.” And also like you, I was very lost…and Our beloved Lord came and pulled me out of the pit I had dug for myself. Thus my heart cannot bear to cause Him any more grief if I can help it…I love Him so:+)

You are right. It can be isolating and lonely…and like we don’t fit anywhere. Thank the Lord that we have TLM communities and blogs like TantamBlogo here so that we can know the truth: we are never alone. God is with us and has given us each other for consolation. Although I think that might be Our Blessed Mother’s doing:+)

Keep loving Our Lord as you do…with all your heart…imperfect as it is. You have a sister here that is right beside you going thru the same thing…and a wonderful family in Heaven that loves you madly:+)

God bless~

4. Baseballmomof8 - March 1, 2018

You have absolutely done the right thing. I regret that I did NOT do the right thing when my brother had a second “wedding.” I regret it something awful. I too went for advice from a priest, he said I needed to weigh the cost… would severing the relationship end all hope that I could win him back to the Faith? I thought it might… but now after three years it is clear that I’m having no influence on him. Looking back,it likely would have had a much greater influence if I had NOT attended.
You have chosen the better part. God bless you.

Tantumblogo - March 1, 2018

I pray so. It sure feels like a cross.

5. Blaine - March 1, 2018

You’re way, way stronger than me Tantum. I’m at my breaking point with family strife and so i will be in my lapsed cousins’ wedding. I committed to going and am praying they change their minds. I am hoping I can leave an impression that reverts/converts the couple. I am going to write him a letter explaining all this in detail (and I did verbalize it to a degree). Thank goodness it’s both their first marriages.

6. Blaine - March 1, 2018

You’re so much stronger than me Tantum. I’m failing in this exact thing.

Tantumblogo - March 1, 2018

I don’t know brother. Everyone’s situation is different. I have support from others – my wife has a brother that will not be able to attend two of his own daughter’s weddings for the same reason. There is a very dear lady I regard highly that went through this last year with her own daughter. So I have support in a sense.

Pray the Navy Reserve is treating you well.

7. David - March 1, 2018

Can you go to the reception? Send a gift? Something to show you still love them without abandoning principles.

One of the difficulties is that almost any Catholic they talk to will agree with them and condemn you. It makes it look more you just hate them.

Tantumblogo - March 1, 2018

Yes I know. We’ve considered going to the reception and other events but thought that might be even worse, or look so. But I may run it past.

MC - March 2, 2018

I’ve wondered about the “going to the reception” thing myself, but at the same time, remember that a reception is to celebrate something. It’s the sole reason of having a reception.

I personally would not go, but I would ask a TLM priest for guidance.

Tim - March 2, 2018

All the TLM priests I have asked about receptions say you can’t go to them either. Hang in there, it is a cross but your suffering may be the difference in their future conversion.

Camper - March 2, 2018

I concur. It doesn’t make any sense to go the reception. You’d be celebrating mortal sin.

Midwester - March 4, 2018

My son denied the Faith and married a Methodist in a Methodist ceremony. I told him I could not go to the wedding, nor could I go to the reception. I was convinced that I could not go. Subsequently I sought guidance from a traditional priest. I spoke with a priest from the Institute of Christ the King, Sovereign Priest. He told me that the Church tolerates attendance, but not participation nor acquiescence, in the interest of keeping open the possibility of conversion at a later date. I made it clear to my son and his paramour that I did not condone his “marriage”, and that I did not support his choice. Neither had been married prior to this. I did go to the reception, again, not to support them but to leave open a future change of heart. Every circumstance is different, of course. If it wasn’t my son or daughter, I would not have gone. I am hoping and praying that both of them see the error of their ways and return/convert to the true Faith.

Daze Inde - March 1, 2018

I had the same thought. Maybe attend reception. Been in similar situations. If they can see how much this costs you emotionally, your love and tears and how much you love them individually, and yet you refrain from attending the ceremony not out of principle, but out of love and respect for Truth, God’s laws, how can they help but love you back. You both endure a sorrow here. The fallen away Catholic, just doesn’t get it yet. Maybe some day, God willing, he will. God bless youl

Tim - March 2, 2018

That makes no sense, the reception is a celebration of the illicit wedding. Sorry, Christ said we are either with Him or against Him…..so no middle of the road options cut it. Compromise leads to bad results.

Margaret Costello - March 4, 2018

Agree, Tim. Attending the reception (which is the act of celebrating the ceremony) is supporting the sin. Doing the hard and right thing is ALWAYS the answer. Period. Full stop. They are the ones who are cutting themselves off from us by cutting themselves off from God, since we are a part of the Body of Christ. Our Lord didn’t compromise an inch with evil when He was tempted in the wilderness. He gave us the example to follow. Our Lord also never compromised with His enemies or those who rejected Him while here on Earth. He forgave them but never went along with their evil, not one jot or tittle. God bless~

8. David - March 1, 2018

I was invited to some of my cousins weddings over the years and did not attend in part (i.e. travel expenses, time off work) because most of them (all but one that I know of) were playing house beforehand. Quite a few Catholic priests married them anyway, even though the majority only see the walls of a Catholic Church on certain holidays.

Recently, I went on vacation with some good Catholic friends. We took time out of the day to pray the Rosary and attend Mass. I mentioned that I felt more at home there than I feel sometimes around my immediate family. Although I do get along fairly decent with most of my family, I feel out of place on some common interests.

9. Mark Docherty - March 1, 2018

It’s heartbreaking, but you did the right thing. I nearly had to do this with one of my own sons, but thankfully it was averted.

10. JB - March 1, 2018

We’ve been through that too. It helped that we were many states away and too poor to travel. Our expenses would have been covered by family members but we stuck to our guns. They still talk to us but they’re bewildered or perhaps bemused by our actions. Upon reflection, it’s best to be separated from our fallen away Catholic families. We would have eventually compromised our Faith in some way if we lived nearby. Ave Maria Carissima …

11. blueskirtwaltz - March 1, 2018

My granddaughter was baptized by a protestant preacher-man — my son and daughter-in-law are fallen-aways. I attended neither the ceremony nor the dinner afterwards.It was hard to do, but I knew I could not participate in any way. May Our Lady comfort you.

12. skeinster - March 1, 2018

Tantum-
You know my story- it’s that choice you have to make on one side or the other. You did the right thing, especially as you cannot give bad example to your precious kids.

There’s no way you’re not going to look like a self-righteous jerk to the uninformed/badly informed, so don’t even worry about that. The seed of curiosity might get planted, though, in some receptive hearts.

Short term pain, long term gain.

13. anna - March 2, 2018

You did the right thing my friend,at least you are not burdened with the guilt if betraying the Lord. I live with it almost everyday, betraying the Lord like a Judas for the love of family – what does it get you in the end? Nothing, my own condemnation, no repentance on the part of my sibling as the whole family was in attendance
You did the right thing and if I could do things over again I would without hesitation. So please take it from someone who is burdened with this guilt, you did the right thing! I will carry this to my grave.
God Bless you

Baseballmomof8 - March 2, 2018

Anna, you are spot on. I carry the same guilt. Much worse than dealing with the slings and arrows of the family.

14. Margaret Costello - March 2, 2018

Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know EXACTLY what you are going thru. I have been the sole holdout to not going along with my sodomite sister and her “marriage.” And the only reason I didn’t have to go thru what you did exactly i.e. not attend a family members’ faux wedding (my Catholic brother and his Catholic wife refused to get married in the Church) was because I was ill and could not attend anyway. But if I were healthy, I would have had the same conversation you did, but with a Catholic family. The scandal of having an entire supposed devout Catholic family in attendance along with a Catholic deacon shows you how sick our current Church is. Although I know of priests, good ones, who would have had my back. But don’t you know that love means you “go along to get along” now, even if it means people end up in hell?

*sigh*

It’s the pain, suffering, and sacrifice of what you just did that will sow the seed for the grace of their conversion. God bless you for doing the hard and right thing. You not only loved Our Lord, you loved your family…and heroically. It’s men like you who will change this world back to sanity:+) God bless you my brother~

Camper - March 2, 2018

Just think of the enormous torture you would have faced in Hell for supporting homosexuality, and the potential bliss for affirming God in Heaven. There is a Bible verse that says that nobody has a clue as to how good heaven is.

Margaret Costello - March 2, 2018

Good insight! My fallen nature seems to only focus on what I would endure here on Earth…it would be smarter of me to focus on what I would have to endure in hell if I cooperated. Thank you! God bless~

Margaret Costello - March 2, 2018

Another couple of thoughts on this TantamBlogo:

1) Our Lord said that Blessed are they who are persecuted for my sake, your reward in heaven is great:+)

2) Your blood family might not see what you are doing as loving, right and holy (for now). BUT GOD SEES. God sees what you have done, what you are doing, what you have sacrificed for Him, what pains and grief you have endured in order to obey Him, to love Him. HE sees. And we serve a God who is the most generous and loving Person in all of existence. That loving, generous, and infinitely noble heart saw what you did and b/c He is so wonderful, He will bless you more than you will ever know or understand. He alone is the one who is able to remove the blindness from your parents and sister’s eyes, and He will use this act of love for Him as a means to answer your prayers for those you love in your blood family.

3) Praise Him b/c of this fact…even in the midst of your heartache…praise Him. He is worth it. He ROCKS!

God bless~

Margaret Costello - March 2, 2018

I would also add that every single one of our faithful Catholic ancestors would have done exactly what you have done without blinking an eye. It’s only our Modernist, Liberal, FreeMasonic insane “catholic” church that injects the emo, man-centered chaos of “do what you want, there are no hard and fast rules for this” when Scripture is quite clear.

1 Timothy 5: “Do not cooperate in another person’s sin”. And then of course there is the whole concept of love…love doesn’t rejoice in wrong doing, but rejoices in the Truth (1 Corinthians 13)…it wills the good of the beloved per St. Thomas Aquinas, and there is nothing good with supporting a Catholic in an invalid marriage/public fornication/scandal that rejects Christ.

You love Our Lord, you love your family and you love this man you don’t probably even know by willing and supporting what is best: being faithful to Our Lord’s commands which per His words is how we love Him and others:+)

Be at peace my brother:+)

God bless~

15. Kathleen O'Regan - March 2, 2018

You didn’t ask, but for what it’s worth, here’s my two cents.
I have this situation coming up. I am attending. It is a niece who was Catholic but thanks to a few different factors left the church and is now Protestant, although in a sense one is always a Catholic, however lapsed.
I can’t boycott the wedding, I just can’t. Or won’t.
There has been too much done, too much seen. I’m not going to take that stand and hurt my niece and her husband, as well as the rest of the family, when there are men blithely going about their business sodomizing boys and young men, having orgies in St. Peter’s, and in their spare time destroying the church. I see Billy Graham being put in the ground, after a lifetime of serving Christ with dignity and honor and reverence and fidelity. I understand the theological differences between Protestants and Catholics, and I’ll be a Catholic always, please God, but in the current day, that kind of decision is one I will no longer make.

Tim - March 2, 2018

How do the sins of Curchmen in the Vatican have any bearing on your family’s wedding situation? Do what you will but if God’s Laws were dependent upon the moral behavior of men, there’s no point to any of it. Please rethink this decision. Better hurt feelings than damnation.

Mrs. Maureen Avila - March 2, 2018

I agree with Tim….and if you think the wedding attendance is a tough decision, think about the couple’s future respective funerals, and how you will feel about the fact that you went along with their grave wrong-doing,and that they might be spending eternity in hell, and how perhaps if you had stood your ground, they may have been influenced to take their Faith more seriously .

Margaret Costello - March 2, 2018

Tim and Mrs. Maureen Avila: Beautifully said. You are loving your sister by encouraging her to do the right thing in times of weakness. God bless you for it:+)

Kathleen O'Regan - March 2, 2018

The groom comes from a very active Protestant family, people who really live their Christian faith. The groom is very active in the church, he leads faith groups for young people a few nights of the week. In fact, the bride to be does as well. I hear what you are saying, and thank you for good advice. The bride had stopped attending Mass and practicing the faith. This is a very hard thing. The entire family is basically non-practicing and most are unchurched at all.
The reason the men in Rome have an impact at all is that it has become ridiculous to me to say these men are “Catholic” and have a chance at heaven, but oh, not Billy Graham, who put these men to shame in terms of obviously living for Christ or not. I admit I may be technically wrong on this perspective, but I would put all the blame for that on the men who run our church. It’s just what happens when you have a pope who promotes chaos.

Margaret Costello - March 2, 2018

If there is any consolation for it, know that even the likes of Billy Graham and the groom/bride are far from perfect. I grew up in the horrid post V2 church but reason, logic and historical fact has and always will lead you to the Roman Catholic Church, regardless of it’s current state. People who have true good will, will always be aided by the Holy Spirit to discover the truth and convert to Catholicism. Actual grace, the natural law etc. are alive and well still:+) So if you present the truth, have no fear that it will harm them if they are honestly of good will. It will only set them free. If they balk and throw a hissy, you know it’s all an act. Pray for them anyway and keep the faith, sister:+) God bless~

Tim - March 2, 2018

Protestantism is not the Christian faith. They are actively practicing heresy. Billt Graham was also a heretic. His personal moral behavior may well have been better than the jackels in the Vatican, but he rejected the True Church of Jesus Christ. Sorry, that’s a problem……EENS. As far as the men in the Vatican….they can be Catholic but their gravely sinful behavior, unrepented, will lead to damnation. To get to Heaven, one must die a Catholic in a state of grace. Your excuses for these folks don’t cut it unfortunately. You’d be better off offering a Holy Hour for them instead of confirming them in their errors….not much charity there.

Edison Frisbee - March 2, 2018

The virtue signaling is strong in this one….

Tim - March 2, 2018

Protestantism is not the Christian faith. They are actively practicing heresy. Billt Graham was also a heretic. His personal moral behavior may well have been better than the jackels in the Vatican, but he rejected the True Church of Jesus Christ. Sorry, that’s a problem……EENS. As far as the men in the Vatican….they can be Catholic but their gravely sinful behavior, unrepented, will lead to damnation. To get to Heaven, one must die a Catholic in a state of grace. Your excuses for these folks don’t cut it unfortunately. You’d be better off offering a Holy Hour for them instead of confirming them in their errors….not much charity there.

Tim - March 2, 2018

Virtue signaling, no friend just telling the unpopular truth. Quite smug of you!

Camper - March 4, 2018

Edison, what a nasty bit of slander!

16. Louis C. Gasper - March 2, 2018

I’ll remember you specially as I pray vespers tonight.

Your decision not to attend is, I think, correct, although no one who is not actually in your situation can make a firm prudential judgment about it; you alone can do that.

At the same time, I think the problem is only that you must not be seen as endorsing a Catholic flouting the marital laws of the Church. It is not because there is going to be a simulation of the sacrament.

I understand “simulation” to be a well-defined term by which is meant a secret and unlawful change to the matter, form, or intention of the sacrament such that the sacrament is occultly invalidated and the ostensible recipient of the sacrament misled into thinking he or she actually received it. Failing to observe the law — marrying in front of a judge or “minister”, for example, or failing to secure a dispensation to marry a non-Catholic — does not entail simulation, as it does not change the matter (the mutual consent to live together conjugally), the form (“I do”), or the intention (to marry), nor is anything — so far as we know — occult (hidden).

Side note: Pretending is not the same as simulating. For example, a Catholic actor in a film, pretending as part of the script to marry the co-star, is not simulating the sacrament.

As you cannot in good conscience attend the wedding ceremony, it’s hard to see how you can celebrate the wedding by attending a reception held in connection with it. From what you write, it does not seem that the marriage will be adulterous. I think you could, then, attend a subsequent “at home” meant to introduce the parties as a couple in society. And I don’t see why you cannot tell the couple that you wish them all the best in their new life together and will pray for them.

You are surely closer to God for having to bear this.

Mrs. Maureen Avila - March 2, 2018

A Catholic must marry within the Church according to canon laws in order to have a valid marriage. Unless this is not what is being discussed here, but some other circumstance of the couple, then we are discussing an invalid marriage in the making. The couple would not be considered married any more so after the ceremony than before, and if the couple later divorced, the Catholic annulment would involve just paper-work.

Tantumblogo - March 6, 2018

Excellent comment. Thanks so much. There have been so many good and helpful comments. It is very edifying to know many others have shared in this ordeal. Thank you all so much.

17. cradle Catholic from DFW - March 2, 2018

I don’t want to weaken your resolve but I would think that some factors might mitigate the circumstances, if I were in your spot.

Number one, the groom is not your relative. Also, you have been “told” he is fallen away. I assume you trust your sources, but unless you have spoken to him directly, there might be more to his situation than you are aware of. He might not be quite as fallen away as you think. Attending the wedding could be a good opportunity to witness to him and to encourage him. He’s from Mexico. I assume your niece is Caucasian. Perhaps he thinks in order to be accepted by North American Caucasians he has to turn his back on his faith.

Number two. Your side of the family is not Catholic. You can’t expect them to live their lives according to your standards.

I’ve lived here in DFW as a cradle Catholic for many decades. If it weren’t for attending protestant weddings, I wouldn’t have attended many at all. From what I understand, back in the day, Catholics weren’t even allowed to attend marriages outside the Church, even if both parties were non-Catholic. That has changed.

P.S. I have tried to post a couple comments lately that didn’t seem to come through. I don’t know if this will make it.

Tim - March 2, 2018

We’re all expectefd to live by God’s standards no matter what our individual “choices” are. We don’t get into Heaven based on the number of weddings we have attended.

Camper - March 2, 2018

Dear Cradle,
The church is in an awful state and the bishops in good standing with Rome cannot be trusted, unfortunately. Go to the FSSP mass at least for the sake of your soul.

Tim - March 2, 2018

Agreed!

18. dthy - March 2, 2018

Thank you for sharing this. So many are in the same boat, but we do them no favor by celebrating their sin. We all need to pray much for the conversion of Protestants and all others who do not yet recognize the Light of Truth. In fact, if you can, you would do them a greater service by spending at least part of the celebration time before Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.

19. Magdalene P - March 2, 2018

MANY of us face this issue! ALL, I mean all, my young cousins who are marrying are marrying outside the Church in spite of being raised “Catholic’. And their parents foot the bill and attend at the garden or hotel or wherever. We have generations of uncatechised Catholics and they just don’t see the need to marry in the Church. Also, marrying in the Church is difficult now. My son looked into it and got a thick packet of papers with many requirements and fees. Many fees. Months of ‘prep’ and weekend retreats. His fiancée is not a Catholic and no way was all that stuff going to happen. So they are living together. Yes, I have spoken the truth to my son a number of times. The fiancée has no faith whatsoever and marriage means nothing to her. My son goes to Mass and does not receive Holy Communion. Actually the thing to do now is to marry civilly and then get the marriage blessed in the Church–without all the fees and all the many requirements. I would not attend a civil ceremony nor do I attend the civil weddings of my young relatives. So far without much issue. But when my parents had their 50th, my non-practicing sister was going to communion and I told her she should not. She was indignant and another sister threatened to not speak to me but a priest said to me” Silence is golden except when it is yellow” so courage is needed to stand up for the truth of marriage,etc.

Margaret Costello - March 2, 2018

Good for you! Sounds like you love your family:+) I don’t think the prep idea is bad…marriage is hard and most couples think love is just self centered emotionalism. Although, sometimes the marriage prep is just horrid and way for the Church to make money. I would find a TLM parish to work with them. Maybe it will wake them up to what they are planning to do. God bless you:+)

20. Canon212 Update: Francis Is No Moral Authority On Sanctity, On Salvation, Or On Discernment. He’s Made That Clear – The Stumbling Block - March 2, 2018

[…] I HAD TO BREAK MY MOM’S HEART […]

21. Honest Question - March 3, 2018

Nowadays whenever a priest or bishop or Pope says we should do or not do this or that, I want verification to some written faithful Catholic document that they are correct. What faithful Catholic documents verify that what your priest told you is true today? And is attendance at such a wedding on pain of mortal sin? Where is that written? I now face this very same huge and painful issue.

Margaret Costello - March 4, 2018

A good faithful Catholic document that says not to cooperate with another person’s sin? (and this young man would be committing a grave sin i.e. public fornication and an invalid marriage). Is Sacred Scripture good enough for you:+) ?

1 Timothy 5: Do not cooperate in another person’s sin.

Another one would be the Catechism of the Catholic Church where is lists the ways one cooperates with another person’s sin. (#1868) http://www.scborromeo.org/ccc/para/1868.htm

Another Scripture quote would be from 1 Corinthians 13 “love does not rejoice in wrong doing but rejoices in the truth.”

Hope that helps:+)

God bless~

22. ellen - March 3, 2018

This is a very painful situation and, of course, you can offer all the pain for the salvation of all those concerned. First, the onus is on your sister to check whether in fact the man has been baptized. If he has not, that changes the situation. Another possibility for future reconciliation is that if they have a baby it would be possible for you to give the baby a gift (because the baby is not at fault in any way). Giving the baby a gift might soften your niece’s hostility. I have been through several of these situations and it has cost me dearly, but it has ever been thus. Ask for the intercession of Saint Thomas More and saints Felicity and Perpetua, all of whom upset their family members because they would not compromise. God bless you and help you protect your children’s faith and be a witness to your extended family.

Camper - March 4, 2018

I disagree on giving them a gift for their baby. The baby is a bastard. People have to be confronted. Since almost nobody does this today, it shocks people, but that’s just the cost of following Christ.

Tim - March 4, 2018

Amen

Peter - March 4, 2018

What do you mean by “confront”? Surely you are not saying we withhold love from the baby.

Tim - March 5, 2018

I think it means we have to call a spade a spade as that is true charity. Withhold love from the baby, of course not! An infant not getting some material gift will not even know. If the parents truly love their baby then they’ll straighten out their lives. Love is acts of the will, not flowers, candy and gifts. In all these publicized deaths you see multitudes holding up candles and leaving flowers and teddy bears, what useless nonsense. Imagine if everyone of those clueless people who go to candlelight vigils would have a Mass offered instead!

True love is difficult to pull off in this age of modern paganism because of the widespread utter cluelessness and apathy. Thanks Vatican 2 and it’s apostles for the paradise you’ve brought us!

23. penitentis - March 5, 2018

Thanks Tblogo. I’m in the same place, one minute holding fast, one minute wavering. Division all around in the family, wife threatening to walk (she’s ex-Catholic) but I can’t go to the mock wedding of my niece either. Have to break the news to my kids too very soon as all of them are marriage age and not apt to marry in the Church. I see the water rushing from the shore and I know the wave is building. Thanks for your post. It helps more than I can say.

Tim - March 5, 2018

Hang strong, it ain’t easy. I’ve been through similiar, if not exact circumstances(not virtue signaling as it is God’s grace and not myself that makes any success possible). Offer your pain and suffering for those that persecute you, it could well save you both.

Tantumblogo - March 6, 2018

I should clarify, the only moments of vacillation were when I was confronted two on one by my parents and their throwing out all the heavy emotional and semi-logical hits. But that’s in the past.

24. Mrs T - March 6, 2018

My parents and I did not attend my brother’s wedding last summer due to the same circumstances.

It was very difficult, more so for my parents I am sure. What made the situation worse is that we have since been vilified by other Catholic family members who should know better. Oh well. We’ve simply had to turn the other cheek in this instance. Not easy, though.

What solidified the decision in my mind are my young children. I never want them to see me as a hypocrite.

25. JB - March 7, 2018

So how do we handle family gatherings where the invalidly married relatives will be there and everyone else acts like all is well?

Tim - March 7, 2018

We aren’t the Amish….we don’t shun. We do not participate in the wedding or reception, but then what’s done is done. However, we still cannot have the invalidly “married” couple spend the night in our home, we cannot attend functions in their home. If they are present at our parent’s etc., that’s ok and we can attend and be charitable. We don’t refuse to speak to or interact with them, but we still hold the line on any situation where the “marriage” being look upon or honored as licit.

We can still treat them kindly without giving up the principle. Showing up at the wedding or later acting like “it’s all good” is neither kind nor charitable, it is confirming them in their sin. The weight of that cross never really goes away.

Camper - March 8, 2018

On traditioninaction.org, a trad Catholic website, they disagree about shunning. Shunning is wonderful if done appropriately and in a loving way.

Tim - March 8, 2018

I have to disagree, if you refuse to speak to someone, you commit a grave sin. Not attending the wedding, etc. and not giving the “marriage” any due gets the point across. More than that makes us appear to be spiteful jackasses and then we destroy any chance of helping them amend their lives.

http://www.traditioninaction.org/Questions/L003_Hierarchy.htm

What they describe in this article is not shunning. I’m speaking of hardcore Amish shunning. I know, I’ve been on the receiving end of it from people who had been the best of friends with my family and are traditional Catholics(FSSP, now diocean TLM). After the FSSP was driven out by the modernists and the parish degraded into more and more insanity, the SSPX came to town and after a long period of “checking it out”, while evenly spliting the Sundays with our parish of so many years, and MUCH prayer and discernment we finally went to the SSPX full time. Once that happened, people who we thought were our dearest friends immediately began to shun us, and it continues unabated to this day. I now call them the Catholic Amish. Most uncharitable behavior.

Here is the depths to which this once wonderful FSSP parish has sunk…..so tragic. When they ordained this married man and he started offering the TLM in addition to the Novus Ordo and the Anglican Rite, that was the last straw, we had to move on. And just a little over a year later a total implosion occured that has destoyed 2 families and has scandalized a whole parish to the deepest of depths. I blame the current hunger for novelty and Novus Ordo nonsense for this and consider this poor man a victim of the modernists. It is hard enough to be a father and husband in good circumstances, let alone adding the duties of the priesthood to it…the strain of it ripped this once lovely family apart. Please pray for all involved. The diocese covered this up for months and told the parishioners that Fr. Reese was on “sabbatical”. That is the most sickening part of this……and yet all the “crazies” go to the SSPX chapel….YEAH, RIGHT!!!!

https://www.wthr.com/article/catholic-priest-in-indianapolis-accused-of-domestic-assault-on-his-wife

These families need prayers, not shunning.

26. Tim - March 7, 2018

Are we?


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